Julie is back! woo!

Maybe it's just not my thing. I'm sure Chicago is a wonderful musical, but why is it a film? Why did I pay to go and see a musical at the cinema?

Why oh why. Because it was for a friends birthday, that's why. Wouldn't have been my first choice otherwise.

Ok, having said that. Goodnight.

I think I'm addicted to The Justice League

Tonight I wasn't feeling too well so I decided to veg-out and watch some television.

I watched a Chinese movie called 2002. It was basically Ghost Busters with KungFu! Coolio.

Well, that's all I really wanted to say. Goodnight, don't let the bed bugs bite!

I was drawing last night. I forgot how much my drawing sucks, especially considering I went to art school, but then art and design isn't all about drawing. I'm going to practice.

Practice makes perfect you know. Neat huh!

Grace
She carries a world on her hips
No champagne flute for her lips
No twirls or skips
Between her fingertips

She carries a pearl
In perfect condition
What once was hers
What once was friction
What left a mark
No longer stains

Because grace makes beauty
Out of ugly things

Grace finds beauty
In everything

Grace finds goodness
In everything

Grace - U2 (5533071k)
Music and Lyrics Copyright U2

Ok kids. I started the 'About Me' page. It's not really finished, but it's on the way. Check it out. Anything else you want to know, ask me.

These are the books currently piled up on my desk, books I am actually reading, pretty much all at once, it's the way I read, It just takes longer to finish a book.

Dune, House Corrino - Brian Herbert/Kevin J. Anderson
Cold Sassy Tree - Olive Ann Burns
Ten - J.John
On the Road - Jack Kerouac
Bruchko - Bruce Olson *
Cubism, Futurism & Constructivism - J. M. Nash
Roads - Larry McMurtry
Are you Dave Gorman? - Dave Gorman/Danny Wallace
The Fifth Elephant - Terry Pratchett
The God Chasers - Tommy Tenny
Bauhaus
The Four Loves - C. S. Lewis
The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold

And I keep buying books. Well you have to don't you?!

* Jenn, I'm sorry! It'll be back with you soon I promise.

I'm struggling to think of anything mildly amusing or interesting to write at the moment.

Hey, ask me something, or tell me about your day, your week, your life..whatever..come on, I know at least three people read this!

As a reward, I'll scan in some pictures for you to checkout, promise.

More random, unedited, scribbled words.

The Future

The future
So elusive
I wish for a chronograph machine
That I may see through time
See to a place beyond now

When will things change?
When will I change?
Become something else
More than I am now

If I could see beyond this moment
Would I want to know
What the future holds
Would I understand the choices I will make?

My future is best trusted in your hands
All my days numbered
Laid out before you, before me
Not a single one you haven't planned

I'll rest in you
I'll leave each future moment in your hands
Just to follow you, to be known as yours
Lead me in your steps
My hand in yours
You are my future

What the?!!

My head is full of fine thoughts, still I can't translate it into words...darn it! I hate it when this happens. I guess I'll just wait till it's all ready to come out.

I finally get to see the Two Towers tomorrow, at last, so that'll be good.

hmm, that's all for now. As you were.

2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

Once again..

Hang On To You

And I'll hang on to you
'Cos you're stronger and you keep me from falling
And you brighten the world with your beauty
Keep me closer I'm calling

Looking out like a little child
Holding tight when it all gets wild

And I'll hang on to you
Nothing in this world will see me through
Only you
And I'll hang on to you
Everyday I live, I give to You

And your love it is true
I feel stronger and I'm happy to know you
'Cos you shine like the sun and you're brighter
Than the darkness that's falling

Nothing in this world could ever take your place
Happiness is found in your holy face
In your warm embrace

Written by Martin Smith ©2000 Curious? Music UK

I wrote this in my notebook at some silly hour the other night. I'm not sure if it's poetry, but anyway..

Before I sleep.

A moment in time, frozen
Intersected with every second of my day
Every thought entwined
Every emotion entangled
I stare

I rearrange the collage of my day
Replay it in my mind
Disentangle, pack it away
Save, edit and delete
I learn from each mistake, make notes
Savour each heart beat
Each glimpse of change and something new
I thank you for every part

You were here yesterday
Constructing each moment
Preparing my way
making room for my mistakes
Safety nets for when I fall

You hid away treasures for me to find
And Blessings at every turn
You were there before
There as each second passed
Here with me now
As I unpack today in my mind
I see you

As I fold today away
I thank you, for your love
I thank you for your Grace
As I thank you I know you're preparing tomorrow
I am safe in you
I sleep
You watch over me

Whatever happens in a day is known by God. Today has been stressful, tonight has been emotional, awkward and other feelings that fail to fit easily into words. I know though, that Jesus is my saviour and He loves me, no matter how much I fail, He's here. Some days really suck and sometimes life doesn't make a bit of sense, it's horrible, but there is hope in Christ. Always.

Thank you Jesus.

I think my brain is turning into goo. Work today sucked, really sucked. My job is great, I love the people I work with and I'm so lucky to have the job I have, but sometimes I wonder if I'd be that upset if I never saw another computer as long as I live. Really.

A lot of this is goo induced. I have a cold, which doesn't bother me all that much, but my head felt like it was going to pop, I guess it did actually, I has a little nose bleed which I sometimes get when I have a cold and I'm all congested, after that I felt a bit better.

I've been struggling a bit at work lately due to other things happening in my life and a general lack of motivation. I have this urge to just go back to bed and not really be that bothered about getting up. I'm not too impressed with that, I mean what sort of an attitude to have is that? Still, it's real and I need to do something about it.

I think I need to put some obnoxious music on and get a grip on myself. To accompany my general lack of motivation there's been a general lack of focus which seems to be a problem that I've had for quite a bit now for one reason or another. I don't want to excuse myself about this though. For a while I thought I was allowed to feel this way, to take some time to rest and figure it out or something, but it's just really laziness. If there's stuff to deal with then I need to deal with it. I need to formulate a plan and do something.

I need to get to bed earlier, I need to get up earlier and eat breakfast. When I'm at work I need to give work my best and when I'm doing other stuff I need to have some fun, I need to be creative and I need to not think so much.

I also need to seek God about what He wants me to do. I know He doesn't always drop a plan in your lap, He probably just wants me to spend some time with Him for starters and enjoy myself a bit more, so I think I'll start there. When I stop chatting with God then it all tends to go down the drain.

Ha! So, well, we'll see. I think Obnoxious music is definitely in order and if the sun would come out I might be able to take some half decent pictures! hey and where are all the ideas for my bio? Questions people! I need questions...come on, the three people that read this, give me some questions!

Tonight is band practice at church, I think I'll go and play some rather inappropriate loud thrash guitar.

Update.

Ignite, the youth event we run at church, was good Saturday night, we had over 60 come which is at least double what we usually get. A local band played and totally rocked out. I was the sound man for the night too which I really enjoyed.....so that was cool.

I'm tired.

I discovered the Foo Fighters rock out too.

My mouth is no longer sore.

I'm tired.

Sorry this was pathetic. I will try harder.

I'm tired.

A couple of things.

I'm not sure what I should write for the 'about me' section of my website. I could write all the usual stuff but if there's anything anyone would like to know then throw some questions my way and it'll give me a place to start. ta.

I'd really like this.

I'm sorry to mention this again but my mouth, it's sore! Dudes, if you're going to eat pizza, and you should, then wait for it to cool down a little. You might be hungry, you might really want to eat it like, straight away, but it's not worth it, it's really not. A week, that how long the pain has lasted so far! A mouth ulcer that's what your lack of patience will get you. Don't do it!

I have stuff to do today, which is good stuff, but I’m feeling a little tired from this cold and staying up too late last night. I want to sit around for a while and sketch, then go for a drive and take some pictures..ah well, another time I guess. There still may be pictures taken today, there's a band playing at the monthly youth event at church tonight so I might take a few then.

That is all.

Ok people, we have comments. Give it a go and let me know if you have any problems. It seems to slow the page down a bit when loading which I don't like but I'll try and fix that. So go on! Comment and make my day!

Sketch books. Sketch books and note books.

When I was at art college I had sketch books, I had note books. Do you know what I've decided? I'll tell you shall I? Ok. I've decided that I miss keeping sketch books and note books. Blogging is fun, sure it is. But paper. There's something incredibly neato about paper and writing on it, sketching on it, making your mark on it (right now I'm thinking of toilet roll which just goes to show what my mind is like I guess..making my mark...oh please..grow up!..heh).

The point is..ermm...oh yeah. The point is that I'm going to start keeping a note book again. It's going to be a note book/sketch book/general purpose anything I like book. I will probably cover it, with art, and photos, I'll make it my own and I'll enjoy it. I will. And not only that, it's going to be just for me...unless I decide to share it with you, with anyone.

I might even call it a name...can you name books? No, I think that's just silly.

A nice lazy night tonight. I did get some worthwhile stuff done though.

My mouth is sore, I burnt it on hot pizza, like, a week ago, and it still hurts! Ow! And I'm still fighting with this cold and loosing.

I have a million photo's to put on my photo pages, must get round to doing that.

So, I realize this isn't a very interesting post, I'm sure it will get better, it's gotta right?! Say it's gotta! ;)

I want to go home. Will someone write me a note?

Tired. Tired. Tired. Tired. Tired. Tired. Tired. Tired. Tired. Tired. Tired. Tired. Tired. Tired. Tired. Tired. Tired. Tired. Tired. Tired. Tired. Tired. Tired. Tired. Tired. Tired. Tired. Tired. Tired. Tired. Tired. Tired. Tired. Tired. Tired. Tired. Tired. Tired. Tired. Tired. Tired. Tired. Tired. Tired. Tired. Tired. Tired. Tired. Yawn.

Fighting off a cold. And I need to get comments on here.

Yawn.

Ok, I just have to campaign on behalf of pears. They get such a raw deal, they can't help the fact that they contain carbohydrates!! Pears have feelings too!

Come on, why not make room in your diet for a pear? Perhaps just one a week? It'll make a difference!..make a pear feel good about itself!

If not you, then who!?
If you won't do it...
if you won't fix it...
if you won't get involved ... then who will?

Come on people! Make a difference! Eat a pear, show it you care! You know it makes sense!

Woo!

I've been having a whole load of email and domain problems, so if you sent me email can you please send it again? pleeeese?

This morning, something amazing happened. I got up early! We're talking 6.30am, this is unprecedented!

It's actually amazing what difference having breakfast makes, and having time to wake up and spending time with God and my family before work. So, will I be able to pull the same thing off tomorrow? We'll see.

I suppose it's not that ground breaking really, it's just there are little things in life that I find hard to do, routines and habits that are hard to break out of. Getting up late is something I’ve been doing well for too long and I want to break the habit.

For a while I've known about a solitary grey hair, it's near my left ear. It's one hair, that's all, just a little one.

Tonight I spotted a dozen more, here and there, around my head. You can only see them in certain light, but they're there.

Praise the Lord for old age!

And so, it begins. The beginning of the end. Bring it on!

Whoops! I seem to have purchased this.

I make a fine sandwich. Really, it's true. Unless you use every filling you have available, and you have trouble opening your mouth wide enough to eat it, what's the point!?

Anything less is second best.

Magnolia. At one point Jimmy Gator says "The book says, we might be through with the past, but the past ain't through with us".

There's truth there I suppose, though I can't help thinking it makes more sense to me the other way round. The past does finish with us, that's the nature of time, with each moment, we slip away into the next, there's no choice about it.

We revisit the past, we're responsible for delving back into what has gone, trying to make sense of it, choices we made, people we knew, how they affected our lives. I guess either way you read it, it says the same thing, the past is part of who we are.

You can learn from your past, there are sometimes answers there to those persistent questions that keep you awake at night, other times not.

Sometimes though, you have to let things go. The past is the past, you can't always work everything out. Living isn't neat and tidy. Some stuff hurts and that's life.

It's easy to get so wrapped up in the past that you forget to look to the future, or even worse enjoy the present. Learning to enjoy the present is pretty important, you can't do anything about the past, it's impossible to know what the future holds, but right now, you can try your best to be happy and make the most of each moment.

Yeah, well, maybe. I'm still struggling with trying that out! I read that back and I think, hmm, well, that's half the story, perhaps it's a lot of rubbish, what do I know? Here I am trying to be all profound and really, it's just words. The reality of life is much more complicated, how can you sum it up like that? It's not possible.

I think the truth of getting through life is to forgive. Forgive yourself and forgive others, and then, when you're done with that, forget. Then look to the future. That's not always easy but what is?

I don't know how much junk e-mail I can seriously stand! Really, it's getting beyond a joke! Sure I can delete it, but it just comes back, they watch me, they wait for me to delete their particular bit of spam and they send it again, like...right away!

And the bit at the bottom? where you can take yourself of their e-mail list? No! don't ever go there, then they know you're there! It's wrong, it shouldn't happen!

Somebody has to do something about this, like BATMAN, for e-mail, come on! An e-mail super hero, that's what we need!

Some autonomous entity that will kick spam ass! Next time you get an e-mail that asks "Ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?", SpamMan, kicks it in the internet headers and replies "I'm SpamMan, tell all your friends about me".

That. My friends, Is what we need.

I made a sandwich at 10:30pm. No matter how healthy the sandwich is, it's never good to eat before bed...

Ah, well...it was a nice sandwich, I wont be hungry while dreaming.

As much as it might be useful, I'm not going to summarize this year. I don't think I could, and I'm not sure I would want to.

There have been lots of precious moments, things and people that have changed my life for the better, there's also been a lot of heartache, and I've hurt people I love dearly. Sorry is so inefficient a word to describe how I feel for the hurt I've caused people I love, but I am sorry and I hope there can be forgiveness. I've also been hurt, by myself, by others but I know that heartache is a part of life and it's what we do with these circumstances that define who we are, I haven't always been so good at dealing with these times, I know that, but it's all part of growing and learning. I do know that God has kept me for another year, He is faithful even when we are not, and for that I'm so very thankful.

Ok, so that was in itself a little summary..hmm..

Well, I think I'm going to try and look to the future instead. I've hidden away, sulked and cowered for long enough and I need to look forward and figure out my life. We'll see how that goes.

New Year was a lot better than I ever expected it could be. It was still a little weird, but then New Year is, I think so anyway. It's back to work tomorrow, I'm not sure how I feel about that, but that's pretty irrelevant, you still have to go to work don't you!?

That is all.