I went to see a friend I was at art collage with today. It's been eight years since we last saw each other, it was really cool to see her again, a little weird at first, for both of us I think, but really good.

She's the only person I've got any contact with now from art collage, I know where some of the others are and what they're doing, but some people you don't want to see again, a year or two with them was quite enough. A little harsh, but true nonetheless, at least with some of the people we went to art collage with ;) Others I keep meaning to call up, but time passes, stuff happens.

Anyway, thank you Lou, it were dead nice Aar kid!

Isn't New Year weird?! The end of one year the beginning of the next. We were talking about this today, and it's a little scary really. It's also exciting, what will the next year hold and stuff, a lot can happen in a year. I don't think I'd ever want to know what the future holds, there would bound to be bit of it I wouldn't like. I might die this year, I certainly wouldn't want to know that in advance, maybe I get a rare foot disease where all my toes drop off, I mean who would want to know that!? Sheesh! ;)

I just want to start 2003 in the right frame of mind, open to all the possibilities, all the things that God is going to do, all kinds of stuff.

Life can be pretty exciting, I guess it's only up to you how exciting really.

Rightio, off to a party. Happy New Year!

(monkeys!)

I must be tired and stressed out. My stomach has been very weird for the last couple of days, butterflies, nervousness. My nose is twitching, constantly. It's so annoying, it just keeps twitching and there's absolutely nothing I can do about it. I'm turning into a rabbit, I swear I am.

Tiredness is playing a big part, but I find it hard to go to bed and rest. Between the hours of 11pm and 2am is when my brain has started to wake up, and it's so, so annoying!

I've got an unruly brain and a twitching nose, how did this happen to me!?

I'm sure once Christmas is over it'll all settle down, I hope so anyway. I need to start making lists, making a few plans and see where things go. There's this whole lazy aspect of my life I want to break out of. Laziness is not the same as rest, in fact I don't think rest is possible while being lazy because you're constantly thinking about all the things you should be doing. So I plan to do the things I need, and want, to do and make time for real quality rest.

Everyone was out at parties and things tonight. I was home alone. I watched 'Speed'. There are some films that you can watch again and again, Speed is one of them, though it's not anywhere near Goonies or Amelie watchability levels.

I got my film developed. The first roll of film I've taken with my Lomo. There are some pretty good shots, and some not so good, I'm still learning how to use it.

Hopefully get some scanned in later on.

I've just cried. Only this time it's the result of Joy rather than despair.

I don't think I can write about it here, it's a little to close to my heart, but someone's just given me some hope, someone I really hurt. I never wanted to hurt that person, I want nothing but the best for her, nothing but the very best of what God has for her, she'll always mean so very much to me, more than she probably thinks right now. She's always been my best friend too, regardless of the other things we've been to each other, and the thought of loosing that aswell as everything else has been unbearable.

I've been praying, shouting at God, asking for healing, something good to happen, a reason why, some reconconsilation. Tonight we had a conversation.

I know it's still not going to be easy, but it gave me some hope.

You're falling back to me,
the star that I can't see.
I know you're out there,
somewhere out there.

You're falling out of reach,
defying gravity,
I know you're out there,
somewhere out there.
Our Lady Peace - Somewhere Out There

Hey, go say hi to Mr Dave.

Focus is so important.

There's a Christian saying about when people stop believing in God, they'll believe anything. It's a similar thing with focus. God wants us to fix out eyes on Him, He's the only person/thing in life that doesn't move, we can be confident that if we fix our eyes on Him then we can stand firm, no matter how rough life gets.

It's so easy to wallow around in your circumstances, it's easy and it's even comfortable in a weird kind of way, but that's not what God wants. God has a plan for each of us and He wants to make us something more than we are now, something awesome, He wants us to be more like Jesus. We can only grow in Him, if we focus on Him, if we put our trust in Him. It's like how could you have ever learnt anything in class when you're looking out the window, you have to keep you're eyes fixed on the task at hand.

God is totally faithful, and He doesn't let us go, I'm so thankful for that. He's wants each one of us to come to Him, it's impossible to imagine the awesome love He has for us, it's so cool though when you get a glimpse of that. I want it to happen more often.

If you don't know God yet, then talk to Him now. You don't have to be good, it doesn't matter about stuff you've done, He can deal with that. He wants YOU. Why run away from a love like that? A love that truly conquers all, a love where you can be safe for eternity. Ask God now to forgive you and save you, it's no more complicated that that, then take it form there.

God rocks, don't miss out, this is real.

If you want God, if you want to be saved, then pray this to God now and mean it.

My Lord and my God, have mercy upon my soul, a sinner. I believe that Jesus Christ died on the cross and shed His blood for the forgiveness of my sins. I believe Jesus rose again from the dead by the power of the Holy Spirit and sits on the right hand of God praying for me now.

Come into my heart, Lord Jesus, and wash all my sins away with Your blood. I invite you into my heart as my personal Savior.

Your Word says you'll turn no one away, and that includes me. Therefore, I know you've heard me, and I know you've answered me, and I know I'm saved.

Thank you, Jesus, for saving my soul.

I'm not always going to be this blatant about what I believe here, I haven't in the past because I've thought you might stop reading it, the few of you that there are, but I don't care. It's important, if you don't know this, then you need to know, you need to accept Christ. If you prayed that prayer then tell someone, tell me.

"For I am not ashamed of this Good News about Christ. It is the power of God at work, saving everyone who believes.." - Romans 1v16

Our Lady Peace totally rock out! Nice one Leila.

Oh flipping heck!! What's life all about eh?! eh?

Well, work was pretty quiet. Still I got some worthwhile work done so that was good.

I hate it that there are some things I can't fix, especially things that I've broke. I want to fix them so much, really I do, and it hurts so much that I can't. I don't know what to do anymore, well, apart from doing nothing, which is still my best option by far.

Not all that cheery I know, but there you go.

I stayed up too late talking with my brother and his girlfriend about t.v programs that rocked when we were kids..

..and I have work tomorrow...whoooops. nite.

Darn it! I hate it when I type a huge post, then I click the 'publish' button insted of the 'Post & Publish' button in Blogger and loose the whole thing.

Happy Christmas!

Some stuff, situations in life, totally and completely suck. That's not so eloquent I know, but it just about sums it up.

But hey, it's Christmas. Christmas is all about Jesus. Jesus who chose to give up His Glory and come and live in our skin for a while. To feel what we feel, to hurt like we hurt, to be and go through all the stuff and situations we go through. He knows how we feel. He understands that it doesn't seems fair. It's not fair, some things will never seem fair, we'll never understand until we see Him face to face.

He came to die so that we can live. He came to set us free.

It's so awesome, I forget just how awesome far too often, how there's always complete hope and forgiveness and a future in the Lord Jesus Christ, no matter the present circumstances.

I'm happy I've got my camera in time for Christmas, I'll probably enjoy my other gifts and enjoy Christmas dinner tomorrow with my family. I'll have a laugh and a good time at a party I'll be at tomorrow night. All that stuff fades. It's good, but it breaks, it's not permanent.

The gift which God has given me will shine for all eternity. Jesus is the answer! It seems like a corny Christian saying, but it's true! (I love corny and cheesy anyway). He's the answer to the questions that appear in my heart. He's the answer to all my questions, problems and heart-ache.

Thank you Jesus for coming to rescue me, for dying in my place. I'm so undeserving of all you've done and all you have planned for me...but then that's Grace isn't it. Thank you for your Grace.

Tonight, Christmas Eve, I did two very therapeutic things:

I tided my room, sorted out all my paper work and did some filing. There's something very therapeutic about throwing old magazines, junk mail and stuff like that away. Things that I've had for years, junk, just sitting there, is now gone. I have space! Well, a little more space anyway. My bedroom feels tidier and so do I.

I listened to the Amelie sound track, twice. I haven't listened to it for a while. It's so soothing. There's something about Amelie which is entirely calming and therapeutic and it's fun reliving the film through the music.

A night well spent, and it's not over yet.

Woo! My cameras both came today! I will have something to open tomorrow after all! yay!

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
Even so, it is well, with my soul.

It is well with my soul,
It is well - it is well, with my soul.

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

I haven't blogged for a long time. There are all kinds of reasons for that, which I'm not going to go into now but I need to do something creative and for the moment, this, and some photography, is going to be it.

I have, sitting on my hard disk, a whole stack of photographs I've taken with my digital camera. Somehow I'm going to organize these and start to create a some photopages here. I'm not really sure what form this will take yet. I thought about doing a photoblog and maybe I will, but I think I'm going to start by doing some gallery type pages of my existing photos and add to this as I take more.

I'm also getting a camera or two for Christmas, so I'll be digging out the scanner and hopefully they will also be posted. It'll be fun trying out some real photography again.

I've missed blogging, it always helped to organize my brain and right now I need some organization. We'll see what happens and where it goes!