Listening to: If you love someone, set them free, Sting.

Finding out new things about yourself can be pretty painful and annoying. In fact being able to turn off certain emotions altogether would be a pretty neat human feature.

Sometimes I just feel silly and childish about how I feel about some things, like I should have learned to deal with this situation by now or that at my age I should be grown up enough to know how to behave if that happens but whatever your age or your level of maturity your feelings are your feelings and you just have to learn to deal with them.

I think if you start to seek God then you open yourself up to be broken. God will strip away the damaged outer layers of your life so He can use you more effectively, so He can draw you closer to Him. All the rough edges and baggage we carry around has to go. The same is true in new relationships, when you meet someone new you change, you can't help it, it's not a bad thing necessarily, every person in our life affects us in either a positive or negative way. If the relationship is positive and wholesome and especially if it's of God, then only positive change will be seen in your life. That's a good thing! It's not always easy though.

There are qualities of myself that I don't like. Feelings that I hate to feel. Attitudes that need to go. I want to be like Jesus. I really do. I don't want to have to carry around all the negative stuff in my life till I leave this earth, I want it dealt with now, I want to ditch it and run a little faster, you know?

We all have stuff in our lives that needs to go, but it's easy to live with it and get used to dealing with it, or even not dealing with it. I don't want to get used to any of this stuff, I want to throw it off.

I'm not sure what I'm really trying to say. It helps to write it down though. I'm not unhappy or depressed. I'm really happy and excited about the future and what God is going to do in my life..it's just I know right now He's also stripping stuff out of my life and that can be uncomfortable.

The best thing you can do is put God first. Make Him your focus and your Lord. If God is center of your life then you can't go wrong. If God is the center of the relationships in your life then they'll grow strong and will last, they're become exactly what God has planned for them to be.

It's easy to start putting other things before God, even without meaning to, even while you're praying that God will be first. You constantly need to check up on yourself, check up on each other and make sure you're where you should be with God. If you get that right...well, you're laughing ain't ya! :)

Jesus, all for Jesus
All I am and have
And ever hope to be

All of my
Ambitions, hopes, and plans
I surrender these
Into your hands

For it's only in
Your will that I am free
For it's only in
Your will that I am free

©1991 Word's Spirit of Praise Music
Words and Music by Robin Mark and Jennifer Atkinson