I'm pretty exasperated with myself for all kinds of reasons.

I'm actually pretty ok lately. Happy and fairly peaceful, but man, If I take my focus off Jesus for even a second, all that crumbles again. I'm seeing just how fragile I really am, even how hopeless, without Christ constantly working in me. I'm not at all putting myself down when I say that, I don't have any self-worth problems or anything, I'm just being honest and realistic. My life rocks most when I'm weak and when I'm fully reliant on God. This week my focus has slowly moved off Christ and onto other things. The heart is so deceptive and sneaky, it's scary. There's nothing wrong with things I've been focusing on, people I've been putting trust in, but whenever any of that takes first place in my thoughts and my heart then it's bad news.

I think if you constantly put Christ first, above ALL things then you can't go far wrong, but it's such a battle sometimes. The battle is almost always with yourself. I need to keep a check on myself a little more closely.

God's always there to set you straight again :) I wish I could sometimes rip all the stuff away from my eyes that stop me seeing what God is really like, how much He truly loves me and all the things He's doing in my life. I feel so stupid sometimes, childish even, unable to control stuff happening in my life. Is that just me? or is that pretty common across the human race? I have no idea.

Saying all that, the sun is out and it's a beautiful day! A friend lent me a Jennifer Knapp cd. It's really good, I think I needed some new music.

I think a lot about standing. Ephesians 6v10-18 talks about the armour of God and also about standing firm.

"Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.".

We're in a battle, I know that, and we are called to fight. We're also called to stand. When I think about that I get this picture of all this stuff coming against us, external stuff obviously, life, this and that, and also internal battles you fight in your own life, in your heart and mind. It seems to me that we are called to stand against this stuff, sometimes there will be fighting back, other times though it will just be a lot of standing strong. It's like when fierce waves crash against a sea wall or something, there's incredible pressure and sometimes damage but the structure must stand.

If you've put your trust in Christ you have the same power living in you that raised Christ from the dead and that created everything, because Christ lives in you! When you really realize that then even the biggest crashing waves are nothing compared to His power and might. In Christ and His power I can stand against anything.

Heh, it's easy to write about that, it's much harder to live it. I'll try give it my best shot though, how about you?

Right, now I will eat, then I will go and play in the sun! woo! I was only going to post and say I hadn't got much to say today. hmm :p