My God is an amazing councilor, right now I believe He is showing me all kinds of things about myself and it's both an exciting and painful experience.

There are things happening in my life which seem very difficult for me to deal with at the moment. I don't know why they're so hard to deal with because potentially they are very exciting, even though scary, and I know that with God these situations offer extraordinary potential for my growth and will bring me closer to Him and those I love.

For example, Natalie has a desire to take 3/4 months out and live in America as an Au Pair next year. I've found this difficult to deal with as I obviously don't want to be without my girl for anywhere near that amount of time. However I know that if this is of God then He's going to use that time (and indeed the time leading up to her going away) to bring us both closer to Him and to grow us into the people that He wants us to be. He's going to strengthen our relationship with Him and with each other. I'm totally behind Nat if this is what she feels she wants to do, I'll miss her while she's away but I might just cope if she promises to bring me back some twinkies. :)

I think I got stressed out a while ago and that stress never really went away, it just sat there simmering, bubbling away and maybe even growing. I believe that God is working in my life to heal me of all this stuff and bring me to where I should be in Him. It's not a comfortable time. All this has made me question if I'm really doing the things in my life that God wants me to be doing. It's made me question if the things I'm doing are things that I actually have a passion for and are things that I'm really excited about.

I feel like God needs to give me a new vision and a fresh desire. I know that some of us sit there waiting for God to drop His plan for us in our laps, when really He wants us to just get involved in something and He'll use whatever we develop a passion for. Well I need to develop a passion, I need to get some fresh vision. I know that only God can plant these things in my life, but I have to give Him a hand by being open to what He has to show me.

Well that's as far as I've got. Today I feel pretty positive about everything which is a big improvement on the past couple of days. Jesus never promised an easy life. It isn't always about being happy, it's about getting to know Jesus and letting go of each part of your life and surrendering it to Him. I actually just struggled to write that sentence, which kind of proves my point. Still, I wrote it no?

I love my family, they are amazing! I couldn't have ever hoped for better parents and a cooler bro. My mother prayed with me this morning...i hope I never take that for granted. I love Natalie to bits!! and I thank God for bringing her into my life. God's working out a lot of stuff in us both and that's so cool! I love my friends (I have some amazing friends..THANKYOU!) and the Christian family God has placed me in, and I love Jesus. I want to love Him more.

So it's all a bit CRAZY at the moment, but God is working out His plans. You never stick so close to God as you do when He's hacking away at you :)

Ok, other bits of information:

Gordon, our fish, has gone to be with the fish lord in the pond in the sky. We celebrate his life. May he swim in peace. We still have a hamster to destroy.

Tonight, my baby and I, will be viewing Matrix Revolutions! Oh, just bring it on!!

I need a shave.

And....That's it! Thanks for reading my carefully spell checked inner dialogue.